Equitable Coaching for Employees on the Margin
How can you bring out the highest expression of creativity and performance in diverse teams? How can you open up the potential of direct reports and coworkers who may not share the same background as you?
We know that diverse organizations outperform the market, yet we can’t effectively nourish high performance and creativity without equitable and inclusive leadership.
Being a good coach is the most important attribute of a top performing manager [Google Re:Work Study] -- and a core part of building an equitable high performing culture. Whilst I was co-running a VC-backed startup in London, this led me to pursue learning with the Co-Active Training Institute (CTI), one of the most well-known coaching programs in the world.
One of the core principles of CTI is: “People are naturally creative, resourceful and whole.”
During an open Q&A, I cautiously asked, “I have a philosophical question: How does the principle of people being naturally creative, resourceful and whole sit within the harsh reality we live in an incredibly inequitable society? When coaching a person of color is not the same as coaching a white person?” The two white female facilitators looked at me, eyes wide with fragility, unaccustomed to the unspoken naming of racism and oppression within CTI.
I really don’t remember what they said, I just remember how I felt. I remember feeling deeply afraid and unsafe, particularly as a Filipina who was taught to respect our elders, not question authority, particularly white bodied authority.
The theory and practice of coaching has been historically divorced from systems of oppression. The majority of training comes from a place of privilege, designed and delivered by white cisgender able-bodied facilitators from financially abundant backgrounds.
My own needs as a queer Filipina American born in Nigeria who grew up as a low-income, undocumented immigrant inspired an inquiry into a more radically equitable approach to coaching, particularly bringing an international and intersectional lens as the work of workplace justice is often limited to one-dimensional American underpinning of just race and/or gender.
People are naturally creative, resourceful and whole yet we live in an incredibly unjust and unfair society.
We all have a universal need to feel safe, seen and supported -- particularly when you are aspiring for a path of profound transformation and impact -- yet every person has their own unique path to feeling safe, seen and supported. Too often the dominant path offered by coaching is dominated by the folks who already coaching and training the next generation of coaches -- white, cisgender, Western.
Equitable Coaching holds the complexity of holding space for individuals from marginalized identities and backgrounds while dismantling the systems of oppression that puts them on the margin to begin with.
“Healing trauma, making ourselves more whole again, and changing society and the economy are distinct yet interdependent processes. They can work powerfully for and towards each other, or they can be odds.”
Staci K. Haines, Author, The Politics of Trauma
I share this as a thought starter — a declaration that is a work in progress. I share this as principles and practices bringing a more equitable approach to coaching. I share this for my friends, my family, my self.
Create a Container of Justice and Emotional Safety
1
Develop Self and Historical Awareness of Systems of Oppression
As a leader, manager and coach, take the time to develop a critical awareness of your own identity — where you may hold power and oppression. The updated core competencies for the International Coaching Federation attempts to incorporate principles of inclusion, such as “is sensitive to clients’ identity, environment, experiences, values and beliefs” for Demonstrates Ethical Practice and “Seeks to understand the client within their context which may include their identity, environment, experiences, values and beliefs” for Cultivates Trust and Safety, but as a DEI practitioner, these additions are not sufficient for addressing the profoundly painful experiences of oppression facing employees from marginalized backgrounds nor re-engineering the industry of coaching for radical equity. We need an ICF core competency rooted in the practice of critical self awareness of your own identity and how it impact the coaching relationship.
DEI consultant Zahida Sherman, a dear friend who I’ve known since our high school community organizing days with the Seattle Young People’s Project, co-created these questions together:
Most Powerful Identities
Which identities do you think you have the most power in?
Most Unsafe Identities
What identities do you feel the most unsafe in?
Impact on Coaching & Leadership
How might your identities impact the way in which you coach and hold space for direct reports or clients who may not hold your identities? What unconscious bias might be impacting your perception of your direct reports or clients?
2
Bear witness to stories of trauma and oppression
Gaslighting, the practice of denying something exists, often deflected through humor, is all too common for employees from marginalized identities, “Don’t be so sensitive. I was just joking. It’s not a big deal. That’s not what I meant.”
The opposite of gaslighting is bearing witness, it is a practice of deep listening that shows something exists and is true while sensitively acknowledging the experiences of the person sharing.
The practice of bearing witness means we are not trying to solve a problem, offer advice or compare our story. We are simply there to just be and hold space.
“Holding space means to be with someone without judgement. To donate your ears and heart without wanting anything back. To practice empathy and compassion. To accept someone's truth, no matter what they are. To allow and accept. Embrace with two hands instead of pointing with one finger. To come in neutral. Open. For them. Not you. Holding space means to put your needs and opinions aside and allow someone to just be.”
John Kim, LMFT, Psychology Today
After my father’s tragic and traumatic passing, friends asked, “What can I do? How can I help?” Most of the time, I would simply just say, “I just need you to be with my grief, to listen, to hold my tears and sorrow so I don’t have to do it alone.”
If you are a manager or leader, notice when a colleague may have a story or experience that needs to be held and witnessed. What needs to be said that has gone unsaid? How might you use your 1:1 conversations with employees to bear witness to their stories of trauma and oppression?
In these conversations, make sure to:
State your intention for the 1:1 using a compassionate tone of voice and body language (38% of our communication is tone of voice, 55% of is body language Source: Psychology Today): “I’m here to hold space for you, I’m sensing there’s an important story you might want to share with me. If you’re comfortable sharing, I’m here to support you”
Anchor into presence, literally feel your feet on the ground, listen deeply without the intention to speak. When in doubt, W.A.I.T. (Why am I talking?), inspired by mentor Mushim Ikeda at the East Bay Meditation Center.
“I have come to see the body as both a holder of unintegrated stories and as a storyteller.”
Staci K. Haines, Author, The Politics of Trauma
Hold sacred silence for three deep breaths to let the energy of being seen and heard soak into the person’s body. Trauma is stored in the body so we need our bodies to properly feel and integrate our stories of oppression.
Offer a compassionate acknowledgement: What does this person need to hear? What do you see in them? “You are brave. You have endured profound difficulty. Thank you for sharing.”
3
Offer a soul-magnifying affirmation
42% of people in the US are people of color
2019 US Census Bureau
3% of c-suite roles in global corporations are women of color
2020 Lean In: Women in the Workplace Report
As women of color, as people who grew up poor and undocumented, as queer people who grew up in fear of retribution for who and how they love, we are far more prone to negative self talk, like cooking oil attaching to Teflon. Our inner world is not just our individual inner critic, it is also our collective oppressor, yelling at us:
Part of how we can begin to transform our self limiting and self hating beliefs is through what I call soul-magnifying affirmation. I want to underscore the word, soul even though it may evoke eye rolling, as the experience of racism, homophobia, sexism, oppression eats at the core of your being, leaving you with a skeleton of your soul at work.
What is a soul-magnifying affirmation? It is a statement that uncovers who you really, show you what you can’t see and re-enforces self love and self belief.
Coaching holds a life-changing mirror that shows you the power that is within you but you can’t see yourself and sparks a magnitude of possibilities. I once described it to my Executive Coach Dorothy Liu, “Working with you has stretched me beyond what I’ve ever believed was possible. It was as if I was already gazing at the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel as it opened up to reveal an endlessly starry sky — timeless and limitless in its beauty and power.” It’s an expression of gratitude for the beauty of the present but also a desire for the starry future not yet imagined.
What might you say? What does the person need to hear?
To take the soul magnifying affirmation to the next level, have your employee embody their affirmation through their own individualized Power Pose, a somatic movement designed to build a sense of confidence and love, particularly before anxiety-inducing moments at work, such as before giving an important presentation or sharing difficult feedback.
4
Generate powerful equity-centered questions
The heart of coaching comes from a place that people are whole as they are, not a problem to be solved. While there is a place to offer advice and wisdom, particularly for marginalized communities who may have not grown up with the same access to wealth and resources, coaching differs from mentoring in that it taps into the innate wisdom that exists within an individual. Powerful Questions are an important coaching tool, designed to create a space for a possibility.
What makes a Powerful Question?
Simple
Usually open ended
Provokes deep thought
Inspires a depth of possibilities
Bringing an equity lens to Powerful Questions means sharing questions that relate more to confidence, inclusion and belonging, particularly for employees who’ve spent their entire lives conforming to dominant oppressive norms and standards.
Powerful Coaching Questions co-created with DEI consultant Jonny Camara
What would it mean to fully show up as yourself?
What is your experience like as a [insert identity: woman, queer person of color, someone with ADHD] at work?
Which parts of yourself are not being seen in meetings?
What projects at work make you feel most alive?
Where do you need support?
The power of the Powerful Question is to spark a possibility, light a match that roars into a magnetizing volcanic fire. One of the most profound Powerful Questions was actually posed by my late father in Hungary:
“You’ve been working so hard your whole life, what would it mean to achieve in the gentlest way possible?
This inspired an essay and philosophy for work rooted in the concept of Gentle Ambition -- and to dedicate my life to fighting for self care and social justice.
Together we have the capacity to transform the industry and practice of coaching. I’ll leave you with one Powerful Question, as someone who has had two near-death experiences and delivered their first eulogy, as you reflect on how your own coaching and leadership may support a culture of radical equity:
“You are going to die. What do you want people to say at your eulogy?”
I sing this love song for Radically Equitable Coaching with the hope of connecting more meaningfully with coaches, clients and communities who want to revolutionize the practice of coaching with the sword of justice and the arrow of love.
I offer both organizational workshops to equip managers to be more Equitable Coaches and also work as a leadership coach & healer to support marginalized communities and their allies.